There comes a moment in every woman’s journey where she sits with herself and admits that something needs to change.
Maybe it’s after another situationship fizzles out, or perhaps it’s the dawning realisation that the type of men she keeps attracting simply aren’t rising to meet her. Not emotionally, not mentally and certainly not spiritually.
It’s not about being unlucky in love. It’s about understanding the energy you bring into the dating space.
As difficult as it is to hear, sometimes the kind of men you attract reflect parts of yourself you’ve outgrown, ignored or refused to address.
If you’re serious about attracting high-quality, emotionally mature and intentional men, it might be time to put an end to a few self-sabotaging habits.
Here are five things you need to stop doing if you want to attract better men, the kind who see your worth, match your energy and treat love as a commitment rather than a game.
1. Stop romanticising red flags
Every woman has done it at least once. He’s inconsistent, but you say he’s just busy. He rarely initiates, but you convince yourself he’s shy. You catch him lying, and somehow, your heart argues that he’s just “been through a lot”.
Romanticising red flags is not love. It’s a betrayal of your instincts. The truth is, many women don’t miss the signs, they just hope they’re wrong. When you give someone a halo they haven’t earned, you lose sight of what’s real.
If he’s not kind, present, respectful and honest in the early stages, he’s not going to magically become Prince Charming down the line.
Better men are out there, but they don’t chase women who tolerate emotional laziness. You attract what you entertain. So, the moment you stop justifying poor behaviour is the moment you start making space for someone who doesn’t make you question your worth.
2. Stop playing the “cool girl” who doesn’t need anything
There’s nothing wrong with being easygoing or low-maintenance unless it’s coming from a place of fear. Many women pretend not to care about labels, attention or emotional connection because they’re afraid of coming across as needy. They silence their needs in an effort to appear desirable.
But here’s the thing. The “cool girl” is a myth. She’s not real. And the men who fall for the act usually aren’t looking for depth. They’re looking for convenience.
Real connection requires honesty. If you want commitment, say so. If you want consistency, expect it. If something hurts, speak on it. The right man won’t punish you for expressing your needs. He’ll appreciate the clarity and rise to meet you there.
The moment you stop pretending to be okay with crumbs is the moment you start attracting the kind of man who is willing to give you the whole cake.
3. Stop ignoring the power of your standards
Too many women are afraid to set standards because they think it will scare men off. Here’s a truth that might sting a little.
Standards aren’t walls, they’re filters. They’re not about being entitled or expecting perfection. They’re about knowing your worth and refusing to settle for anyone who falls short of the bare minimum.
If you don’t want to date someone who can’t communicate, who doesn’t respect your time or who refuses to be emotionally available, that’s not “too much”. That’s healthy.
When you abandon your standards to accommodate someone, you don’t win them. You lose yourself. But when you uphold them, you create a space where only the worthy can enter. The kind of man who values what you bring to the table will never be put off by the fact that you have one.
4. Stop leading with proving instead of receiving
It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting to prove you’re different. You cook, you clean, you support him through everything, you show him you’re loyal before he’s even committed to you. You lead with effort, hoping to be chosen.
But love isn’t a job interview. It’s not about convincing someone to pick you. It’s about observing whether they deserve access to you in the first place.
When you operate from a place of proving, you often attract men who are more than happy to take but never really give. The energy becomes one-sided, and before you know it, you’re stuck in a dynamic where you’re auditioning while he’s lounging.
Shift into receiving. Let him show his intentions. Let him court you, plan, communicate and be consistent. That’s not being passive, that’s allowing space for masculine energy to rise.
When you sit in your feminine high-value energy, better men, the ones who want to pour in and not just take, will notice. And more importantly, they’ll act.
5. Stop dating from a place of desperation or fear
Some women say yes to men not because they’re excited but because they’re afraid of being alone. Or they stay in relationships that drain them because starting over feels terrifying. When your choices are rooted in fear, you’ll always shrink yourself to fit someone else’s version of love.
But here’s the truth: Being single is better than being misaligned. You can’t attract someone grounded, loving and intentional if you’re constantly settling just to have someone.
Better men aren’t drawn to desperation. They’re drawn to women who are at peace with themselves. Women who are whole before the relationship, not hoping to be completed by one.
When your energy is rooted in self-worth, not fear, you become magnetic. You become a woman who is chosen not out of convenience but out of admiration.
The shift happens the moment you decide to do things differently. To stop chasing, fixing, waiting or overgiving. To start leading with grace, truth and standards. Love isn’t about being lucky or playing it cool. It’s about alignment.
When you stop doing what attracts emotionally unavailable or half-interested men, you start drawing in those who are ready, healthy and serious. Men who listen, who show up, who choose you daily, not just when it’s convenient.
So stop dimming your light. Stop bending to be liked. You are the prize. But first, you have to believe it and act like it.
