On 18 March 2022, People Opposing Women Abuse (POWA) held one of its biggest-ever Men’s
Dialogues at the Rabasotho Civic Centre in Tembisa, which has been declared a gender-based
violence (GBV) hotspot. The event, which aimed to engage men and boys on issues of GBV and
encourage them to speak out if they are experiencing problems, was attended by members of the
community as well as various stakeholders, including the Community Policing Forum, the South
African Police Service, Tembisa Local Taxi Association, NICRO and Tembisa Child & Family Welfare
Society.
On the panel of speakers at the dialogue were Mbuyiselo Botha of the South African Men’s Forum,
Piet Tshabalala of the Tembisa Local Taxi Association, Tebogo Mokhotho from NACWA, Victor
Kopotsa of the Tembisa Men’s Forum, Bishop Kubheka, Given Ndlela of the South African Depression
and Anxiety Group (SADAG) and Captain Mabelebele of the South African Police Service.
Facilitating the event was Sidwell Sehoana of Agisanang Domestic Abuse Prevention and Training
(ADAPT), which provides counselling to men who abuse and men who have been abused.
This Men’s Dialogue was part of the #EndDomesticSilence initiative being run by Unilever tea brand,
JOKO in partnership with POWA. Launched in 2019, the initiative aims to end the silence around
domestic violence and increase the speaking out, reporting of, awareness and education around
domestic violence.
Jeanette Sera, POWA’s Acting Executive Director, says: “Through the dialogue, we were asking men
to challenge patriarchy and socialisation that puts them in a position of privilege that comprises
women and fuels GBV.”
A range of interesting points came out of the discussion, including, but not limited to, the need to
cut the root causes of GBV, that violence can be learned and unlearned, that low self-esteem fuels
violence, how girls must be raised to provide for themselves so they can leave abusive partners
because they aren’t financially dependent on them and the importance of confronting issues
bothering you.
There was also discussion on what it means to be a good man and some described it as being
accountable and taking responsibility for your family and community. In addition, those in
attendance spoke of the importance of looking at how we raise boys, highlighting that it is unhealthy
to tell them that they shouldn’t cry because they then learn to internalise their frustrations, which
can lead to them lashing out by being violent towards women and children.
It was also mentioned that cultural issues stating that men are the head of the household can fuel
GBV because it can lead to men believing they hold all power and can treat women however they
want.
Speaking about the event, Given said it was sensitive and important because men are often not
given the chance to speak about how they feel, adding that events like these should happen more
regularly.
Bishop Kubheka, who is also a marriage counsellor and officer, said: “I’m glad the participation at the
event was high and that people paid serious attention to what was being said. Issues being discussed
had to be discussed. However, it would have been good for those who attended to describe their
personal experiences of GBV.”
He added that the high levels of inequality in our country and our violent past are fuelling GBV in our
communities.
Jabulani Mojapelo of the Community Policing Forum said: “This was a fruitful, eye-opening event
that will help to change the mindsets of men by educating us on how to be proper men.” `
At the event, those in attendance mentioned that the event assisted them to know the importance
of using the services of various stakeholders in the community including SADAG and the need to
speak out when facing problems.
They also said it’s important to spread the knowledge they learned at the dialogue to others. It was
also highlighted that more people in the community should be trained on various aspects of GBV and
become foot soldiers in addressing it. The need for stakeholders to bring all their strengths together
to better tackle GBV was also addressed.
Patricia Naha, POWA’s Project Assistant, who was an organiser of the event, is happy that it created
a safe space for men to talk freely about issues concerning them. “We need to have more events like
this to enable men to break the silence around domestic violence and educate them about GBV
because some don’t believe their behaviour is abusive,” she says. “We have to provide them with
training on various aspects of GBV, so they can teach young men and the broader community the
right way to treat women.”
The next dialogue should include what steps/initiatives they have taken, now that they gained
knowledge in this dialogue session.